Calorie Offsets

Some of you may know that I "evaluate" retail businesses in my free time. (HAHA! Free time! Get it?) Anyway, tonight I had to "evaluate" a fast food joint. I had to order saddle bags with a side of muffin top. Oh, and don't forget the drink.

With these assignments come conditions. This "evaluation" required me to go alone- after 8pm. So not only am I required to ingest non-digestible fats but I have to eat after 8pm. So the food can just sit, heavily, in my stomach. All night.

And that's when it came to me: Calorie Offsets! It's brilliant! Here's how it works:

• You eat food you know is bad for you.


• You then force the rest of your family to eat healthy stuff (I figure a 3-to-1 ratio is best as it takes a lot of fiber to flush out all that grease) Here are my loveys eating fabulously fresh, fit food at Subway:
  
  
  
• Voilá! You have offset your calories.


• No guilt. No shame.

With Calorie Offsets you can continue polluting your body while insuring the health of those around you.

No need to thank me. Just send money. I'll put it toward apples and yogurt.