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Pooing for Distance

>> Friday, December 10, 2004

Disclaimer: Do not read if you have a weak stomach, are currently eating or are offended by baby poo.

Four feet. It’s amazing it can go so far…

The ironic thing about this is that my sister, the mother of 2 boys, had asked me just the other day if I had been pooed on yet or if I had experienced the “fountain of pee”. I told her no, on both counts, but what I was really thinking was “That won’t happen to me. The beautiful Brenna wouldn’t do that.” Damn irony.

So, here’s how it went down. I’m changing Brenna’s diaper and comment to her, as I’m lightly rubbing a rather full tummy, that she didn’t poo all night. I open the wipes container and prepare the next diaper for quick application. I open the diaper she is wearing, notice that she hadn’t pooed yet, wipe her off and lift her feet. Just like aiming a gun in battle- bam! Out it shoots! Hitting the open lid of the container of wipes, the wall, the window bench (which her changing pad is on), the diaper pail and even the floor. Did I mention that my hand was in the direct line of fire? Yep. Covered.

Now, this was quick. Split second timing on Brenna’s part. I removed the top wipes from the container and take a couple of “clean” one from lower down and put them under Brenna. Once I do this the “fountain of pee” begins. Hell, I’ve already got a mess, so I toss a wipe over her to contain the moisture and begin cleaning the pale pink wall and the white window bench before they stain. I then move Brenna to clean & dress her. And finally the floor and the changing pad get cleaned. I highly recommend Spot Shot for any carpet stains you may encounter and the Clorox Bleach Pen for any stains on white cloth you may happen upon.

Of course this means more laundry to do today. I used to do laundry once a week. No more. Brenna, my love, you are a cruel mistress.

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