Having It All

So yesterday Oprah had a show that was billed as "Stay at Home Moms vs Working Moms". (Yes, I sometimes watch Oprah- and even Dr. Phil- if the topic seems relevant. No, I don't watch it "live" unless I am doing dishes, folding laundry or prepping dinner. TiVo rocks. And no, I don't watch soap operas. And, for the record, I don't do bon-bons but I do love a rich, dark chocolate truffle.)

Ahem... So anyway, she had on SAHMs and working moms. And all had good points on their decisions. It was the two women at the very end of the show who really got my attention, though. Both are moms and made their "big" decision 10 years ago. One chose to work, one to stay home. And both, after 10 years, had regrets about their decisions.

The working mom had regrets of missing big moments- first steps, lost teeth, first words.
The SAHM had regrets about "losing herself" and focusing only on her children for so long.

I completely understood the working mom's statement. I can not imagine missing the girls' childhood. I can't imagine not being with them day in and day out. Even when I feel like I am at the end of my rope I know that this time will be gone in a blink and I will miss it.

The SAHM's regret of "losing herself" struck me as odd, though. I understand letting yourself go (today I am still in lounging pants and a tank top... and will be until I go to bed) and focusing on your children (today we watched Toy Story 2, played with an alphabet puzzle & read books) but I don't understand giving up hobbies or friends (unless, of course, they are bad hobbies and friends; by all that is holy, get rid of those!) because you are a SAHM. I like to think that I am more than a mommy...

Doug and I made a very conscience choice when we had children that we would raise them and not pay someone else to do so. I doubt that I join the work force again until Caelan reaches college age. Why? Because I want to be the available parent. I want to be the room mother, the mom that's at every game, dance recital and PTA meeting. I want to be there exactly when they need me because you may not get a second chance to answer that question, see the winning goal or dry their tears when their first boyfriend breaks up with them. Do I think less of those who make a different choice? No, those people have different priorities or needs than we do. Do I wonder about their priorities? Sometimes, yes. But it is not for me to judge.

So... Can you have it all? I think yes- but not at the same time. I plan to have a long and healthy life and to do and be everything I desire. I may not be able to do it all at once but I certainly plan to do it all.