How to be a Baby: An Insider's Guide

1) There's no point in waking up before 2 or 3 in the morning, when there are few distractions and your parents will be able to devote their full attantion to you, you, you.

2) Save the monster poops for the times when they try to make you wear one of those brand new frilly and rediculous looking outfits.

3) Rule of thumb: The more your parents paid for the toy, the less fun it is to play with.

4) If you have trouble telling the difference between your parents, remember that the one with the scratchy face is generally more fun, but the one with the breasts tastes better.

5) General truth: No one over the age of 7 has any sense of humor.

6) All you need to know about geography can be reduced to this: near Mom and Dad, good; not near Mom and Dad, very, very bad.

7) Fun challenge: See how many of your fingers an toes you can wedge into your mouth at the same time.

8) If you don't want to eat what they feed you, simply spit it all over them. If that fails to discourage them, wait an hour, then spit it all over their car.

9) When your mom or dad leaves you for 5 minutes to take a shower, scream at the top of your lungs. There's no more amusing site than a wet, naked, soapy adult running down the hall at top speed!

10) Face facts: You're small, you're weak, you can't walk or talk. Cute is the only thing you do well. Work it, baby!

Brenna has been keeping me busy here. Busier every day as she learns new tricks- like rolling all over the house. And busier as she demands more interaction. At least Sesame Street still keeps her attention. As it has just come on I can do laundry!